Krista Maurer

#reverb10: gift

Posted on December 30, 2010 by Krista

Day 30 of #Reverb10 // Holly Root prompts // This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

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I could get all philosophical and write about how the “gift” of solitude has made me more mindful of those who feel alone. Or I could share how the “gift” of losing one’s job has taught me perseverance and courage. Or I could even tell you how the “gift” of grief is really humility and compassion wrapped up in a box of denial and anger, tied with a bow of depression.

But blah. No thanks. I haven’t got the time or the energy for the ol’ brain to wax thoughtful. I’ve got things to get done/ready/planned/cleaned before the New Year. And really? Really, I just want to tell you about the new kicks I got for Christmas–navy blue Chuck Taylors from Frit. Love. Them.

I also received a canvas art print from my baby sister that says: Have faith in yourself and in the future. I cried (cuz I’m a weeper) when I opened it. It was just her and me Christmas morning, curled up on the couch next to the lit tree, with our meager offerings for one another. “I know you don’t right now, but I want you to believe that next year,” she said.

And so. Heading into the New Year, I’ve got a reminder on my wall and some brand new shoes to get me there.

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#reverb10: defining moment

Posted on December 29, 2010 by Krista

Day 29 of #Reverb10 // Kathryn Fitzmaurice prompts // Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

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It was mid-day. Autumn. I was sitting on the couch in the loft. Still in my pajamas. Un-showered, un-brushed, un-fed, un-everything. And I read the phrase, “You need to accept that you are grieving.”

What?

There was a physical reaction in my knotted back as I re-read it.

And the Burden lifted just a bit.

There was a reason for all that I’d been feeling.

There was a reason for my inability to “pull it together.”

I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t losing it. I wasn’t doomed. It wasn’t hopeless. It wasn’t my fault.

It wasn’t my fault.

But more importantly, I could begin moving past it.

And in that moment, the grief began to let go.

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#reverb10: achieve

Posted on December 28, 2010 by Krista

Day 28 of #Reverb10 // Tara Sophia Mohr asks // What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

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In 2004, when I graduated from college and moved to grown-up land where you get an apartment in a city you’ve never been to before and pay all your own bills and start a 401K, I threw a party. Like I’ve said before, I think one of my finest talents is finding a reason to throw a party and this was no exception. And since all “good parties” need a theme, I happily branded this one: The “I Love My Life” Party. And I did.

I loved my big-girl job. I loved my little apartment with all its thrifted furniture. I loved my friends. I loved my new city. And I loved the bright future ahead of me. Everything was all shiny and glittery.

On the night of the party all my friends came. I wore the skirt and top I loved the most. We ate my favorite foods and talked about the best things in our lives. It was a grand night and added yet another reason to the long list of reasons to love my life.

It’s been 6 1/2 years since that party.

And somewhere along the way I stopped loving my life.

What do I most want to achieve in 2011? I want to love my life again.

It’s a loaded want, I know. And it depends on the internal as well as the external, I know. But if I could love my life again? Well, the stress and sadness and frustration vanish at the very though. I could be happy again.

And I know it’s possible. I’m not hopeless. Nothing is hopeless.

I really do believe that.

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#reverb10: ordinary joy

Posted on December 27, 2010 by Krista

Day 27 of #Reverb10 // Brene Brown asks // Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

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So much of this year was spent in numbness, however there are three moments that stand out above all others where, when in those moments, I felt a wash of emotion overcome me that was too big for my heart to hold. Three moments that were nothing big or grand, but were full of the joy and love and peaceful content that I want to be the rule, rather than the exception, for my life next year.

1. I know. I know. You’re sick of hearing about that night in the desert with him. But I always come back to it. My senses were so alive. And everything was so vivid–the colors, the light, the smells, the heat, the sounds. I can still see it. In all its vibrancy. If I had to chose my one best memory of 2010, it would be it. Click Here to Read

2. It was a reunion of sorts, with friends I struggle to find words to describe. We share a connection that’s deep and honest and so far below the surface, it’s almost hidden. And that evening we spent, after years apart, drinking up the mountain air, guitars in hand–with music, both spoken and sung–filled me to overflowing. I’ve come back to these pictures often since then and I think they’re some of my favorite (best) photos I took this year. They speak everything I felt that night. Click Here to See

3. I was just there to help her out, busily pushing buttons and recording their little voices, paying close attention to mechanics and levels, when the feeling in the room became tangible. I stopped. And I knew. What they were singing was true. I hadn’t forgotten it. Well–actually, yes I had. And I needed to remember. The tears fell and I wanted them to sing for forever. Click Here to Listen

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#reverb10: soul food

Posted on December 26, 2010 by Krista

Day 26 of #Reverb10 // Elise Marie Collins asks // What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

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In August Frit and I went to my South Carolina home … along with her whole family (all 23 of them) … to show them the island, soak up the sun, float in the ocean, and vaca the last steamy bits of summer away.

Whilst home, there are lots of things I “have to do”: go to the beach, visit so-and-so, ride the boats with the padre, etc. And scattered throughout that list are all the restaurants I need to frequent–i.e. the places that make my favorite foods. Namely, all the Southern fixings and all the fresh seafood that I can’t get in Utah.

That week in August was filled with hush puppies and macaroni & cheese and key lime pie and pecan pie and fried fish and shrimp and italian ices and crab cakes, crab cakes, and more crab cakes. My favorite.

It’s a different way of life, and a different way of eating down there. And no matter how long I’m away, as soon as I cross the bridge, I settle into it like the heat of the Southern sun on glistening skin. Which is to say, the crab cakes feed more than my belly.

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#reverb10: photo — a present to yourself

Posted on December 25, 2010 by Krista

Day 25 of #Reverb10 // Tracey Clark prompts // Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

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This’ll be short and sweet cuz … HAPPY CHRISTMAS! From me. To you.

Speaking of.

This is me:

Taken May of 2010, by moi. I wanted to learn a bit more about my camera’s settings that day, so I turned the camera on myself and held a mini-photo-shoot. I’m in my bedroom, on my bed, by the window. (To see more from that photo shoot, click here.)

It’s crazy to me that this picture was taken only seven months ago. It’s crazy how life can flip turn up-side-down (name that show!) in only seven months. How you can be so peaceful, happy, and content–like I was in that picture–only to find that you’re so-the-opposite less than a year later later.

But like I said yesterday. The light is coming.

And in fact, it already did come. The light, with a “big L”, came 2000 years ago as a tiny babe in a manger. To bring hope and life and light–all the things I need. And He will come again. Just–and especially-when we need Him.

Merry Christmas my friends. May you receive all the light you seek this Christmas season.

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#reverb10: everything’s ok

Posted on December 24, 2010 by Krista

Day 24 of #Reverb10 // Kate Inglis asks // What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

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It wasn’t a moment really–nothing that could be pinpointed and circled in red, or earmarked with a Post-It–but more of a general sense that has come slowly. Over the last few days.

And though still not fully audible, the voice inside says, “the light is coming.”

Happy Christmas Eve my friends.

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#reverb10: new name

Posted on December 23, 2010 by Krista

Day 23 of #Reverb10 // Becca Wilcott asks // If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

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Remember when Phoebe changed her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock so Mike tells her he’s going to change his to Crap Bag? “First name Crap. Last name Bag.” haha I still laugh out loud when I think about that episode.

When I was a kid, my pretend name–you know the one I always used when we played Barbies or house–was Sam. Short for Samantha. After Alysa Milano on Who’s the Boss?

Gosh. This is a hard exercise. Maybe because I’m not understanding the point of the question. It seems silly. I mean. I am who I am.

Although … sometimes I would like to be someone else. Someone different. Maybe that’s the point. Who would I like to be?

Oh! I know! Pick me!

I’d like to be the old me. The me from like 2003 to mid-2005. Those were my favorite years of my life so far. By far. I think that’s when I was most balanced and had it most “together.” And I was hot back then. I mean, not that that’s important. But dang. I really did look good.

Actually I’d just really like to be the real me. The ideal me. The me I know exists, but labors to break free. The me who’s confident. Sure. Full of direction and purpose. Active. Strong. Steady. Kind. Generous. Patient. Soft. Sparkly.

That’s the real Krista.

I’m pleased to meet you.

(Although Bianca would be a fun name for a day, dontcha think?)

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#reverb10: travel

Posted on December 22, 2010 by Krista

Day 22 of #Reverb10 // Tara Hunt asks // How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

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Travel in 2010 began in February with a trip to North Carolina/Tennessee for Catie’s funeral. That was a pretty awful trip, and though it was wonderful to see all my college girlfriends again, I wish the reason for a reunion had been pina coladas on a beach in Mexico and not the death of our dear friend. After the burial in TN, I flew to South Carolina to visit the family since I was so close.

May brought the fellah back to Utah for the summer and with that–a reason to go to Saint George (southern Utah) to see him. But that ended in June so, well. That was that.

In August, Frit and her entire family (25 in all) went to my island home with me for a week. We spent seven days on the beach, rode all the boats, took a day trip to Savannah, ate at all my favorite spots, and soaked up as much sun as humanly possible. It was a great way to end the summer.

In November I drove to Arizona with Mindy to produce her benefit concert. It was a great show and while I was there I got to see my sister and her stomach round with child.

Next year? … who knows. I’ve always wanted to do the west coast highway from CA to WA and I’ve been wanting to see Mount Rushmore. If either of those are to happen, I’m going to have to schedule a bunch-o-photo shoots and sell a whole lot more illustrations. (hint hint) [grin]

And of course the top of the list always remains the same … the beautiful, the dreamy, the romantic lights of Paris. Always Paris. Someday I’m going to live there for a spell. I’ve just got to.

What was your best vacation this year? Where would you go if you could go anywhere?

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#reverb10: future self

Posted on December 21, 2010 by Krista

Day 21 of #Reverb10 // Jenny Blake asks // Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

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December 21, 2015

Well hello beautiful,

Don’t shake your head at me. I mean that and you know it. Deep down, you know it. So just believe it already. You’ve wasted too many years saying you’re not, and …

Alright. Enough scolding. (But I’m serious.)

First, I want you to know that I love you. I do. It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it? I know. I remember. How could I forget? Nothing has turned out the way we thought or hoped. For the first time ever, our life was a mess–a really messy mess. All uncertain and scary with hurt and loss and failure. And we’ve never struggled with our faith like we have this year. And that was the scariest of all.

Well, lovely, I’m writing because I need to tell you some things and I need you to believe them. I need you to trust me–which is to trust yourself.

A New Year is just around the corner. And with it comes the light at the end of this tunnel. Relief is just down the road. But you must know, that you’ve needed this time, this experience. Like clay on the potters wheel, you’re being shaped. And you’re so much softer. Can you feel it? I know you can.

You have a purpose. Or rather, I should say, you still have a purpose. I know you think you forfeited it, but I know better. You’re simply making your way to it. And you will refind your passion. But you need to get on your knees more. And you need to look up more. You’ve spent enough time questioning Him. Now it’s time to trust. He. Will. Not. Let. You. Down. Let me say that again. He will not let you down. And He will not leave you. He never has. Believe that.

You can be the person you want to be–inside and out. Just be her. Get rid of the distractions. Put away the worry. Stop projecting your expectations and predictions for tomorrow on today. You need to be more present and trust that the way will simply be prepared. I want you to take some chances next year. Do some things that scare you and push you. You have nothing to lose.

You have a wellspring of strength that will shock you once you tap into it. And please, dearest, don’t feel bad about this year. Don’t feel like you’ve wasted time. Know that every day, good or bad, goes into making you. The you God needs. The you that will be more and do more good than had you not experienced the things you experienced this year.

You’re amazing you know. Don’t forget it.

Loves,

p.s. Oh, and go kiss a boy next year too. I love that. You do too, if I remember correctly.

December 21, 2000

Hey Sister!

I am so proud of you. The choice you made to be where you are is the best choice you could’ve made for your life right now. The work you’re doing will be the spring board for the rest of your life. And you are doing it so wonderfully. I know you already know this, but don’t forget: Study hard every morning. Love the people you’re serving. And be obedient. Fourteen months from now it will all be over and though you’ll be exhausted, you’ll wish you could do it all over again. So don’t waste a second.

Oh and speaking of the end. Work a little harder, ok? I know you’ll be tired and your body will feel like it’s about to break, but you’ll regret not giving 100% that last month.

Stay warm and dry, won’t you?! Winter in Washington is a doozy!

xo,

p.s. Do not, I repeat, do not fall for that one boy right after your 18 months are up. Trust me.

p.p.s. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to eat everything the people put in front of you.

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#reverb10: beyond avoidance

Posted on December 20, 2010 by Krista

Day 20 of #Reverb10 // Jake Nickell asks // What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

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Avoidance became my middle name this year. Upon breaking point I rolled myself into a cocoon of thought and hibernated. Which is where I still am to some degree. I just couldn’t face it. Life, that is. I let go of the goals I set at the beginning of the year, and did only enough to survive.

And part of me thinks I ought to be a bit more sad about the fact that I didn’t reach said goals–I mean, it’s “so me” to self-berate–but I mostly don’t care. Sure there’s a tinge of, “gosh, I wish I’d done this or that,” but mostly I’m just so happy I survived.

I made it to the end of 2010 and I’m still alive. And not totally defeated. Actually not at all defeated.

I’ve learned that sometimes survival is the greatest success there is. And that, in my case, avoidance simply meant a shift of focus and priority. Though I thought 2010 was going to be a big, go-gett’um year, it instead became a year of winter–where despite the cold and dark, I, like the cedar tree, continued to grow below the surface.

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