Peeling Back the Crust & Beautiful Hidden Things

The water in the ocean was colder today. I think that means summer is drawing to a close with Fall nipping at its heels. I’m leaving the Island in two days, so–that must be true.

Today was also the first day since the hurricane that the ocean looked like its normal self again. No crazy waves. No rip tide. No choppy surface. Just calm and inviting.

I noticed a couple things this weekend though, after the storm.

And really–how curious? providential? that a hurricane blew through here at the end of my stay. People say art mirrors life. And I say, life mirrors nature. At least mine does.

Anyway, I noticed a couple things.

The storm was a wicked storm–not as large as we’ve seen in past years, or quite as devastating–but she was a mean one, that Irene. Dark and brooding, and mean.

When I went to the beach the morning after, there was a two foot drop from the dunes where her waves had dug into the beach and dragged it out to sea. The erosion was so dramatic, it looked as though she had simply cut into it with a fork and eaten it for dinner.

Isn’t that the way it is though?

The storm comes, dark and brooding and mean, and peels back the outer crust, biting chunks out of us, leaving us exposed and scarred.

But. Then the storm passes, the skies clear up, the ocean regains its composure, and the Earth begins replenishing itself. It begins healing itself. And by next summer, you’d never be able to guess the wrath the ocean and sky poured out on our beach last week. The scars will be but faint lines in the sand. (Or skin.)

And you know? As painful as it is, we sometimes need the outer crust to be pulled back. Sometimes the armor and scales need to be chipped away so that the “essential us” can be found.

Another thing I noticed were all the new shells. Our beaches (thanks to the tourists) are usually pretty barren when it comes to shell picking. But when the storm came through, it kicked up the ocean floor and spewed a new collection of seashells onto the shore.

And I saw that sometimes, only a storm can bring you the thing(s) you need/want–new shells, new opportunities, new paths.

It’s in a churning sea that the beautiful hidden things are brought to the surface.

I’m Coming

It took weeks to finally decide. And countless drafts of a never-ending pros and cons list. But add a little prayer and a half-baked fast and you’ll find you have a decision made.

And right is the decision I’ve made.

In one week, I’ll be leaving Utah. I have decided to move back to South Carolina.

For the summer.

My dad offered me a job and I accepted. It’s the job I did in high school and I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that, at first, I felt like a complete loser. What do I do, you ask? Oh, I’m 32, single, “jobless,” and moving home. (ohmygosh I hate typing all that.) I also wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say that the thought of moving back into my parents house may have freaked me out just a little. I mean, I left for college 14 years ago and haven’t lived there for any longer than a week (at the most) of vacation since 2000. i.e. The entirety of my adult life has been somewhat defined by a skyhigh level independence and a large degree of solitude. i.e. How does one “go home” (for an extended period of time) but not move backwards in one’s life?

But.

On the other hand.

It feels right to go. And so I go.

How grateful I am for parents who (despite dad’s best Bill Cosby threats that once we left we were never coming back) would allow me to come home (he’s such a softie). And how grateful I am that there’s a home to go home to.

And really–when else in my life could I just up and take three months to go live at the beach doing a job a 16-year-old could do? I’ve wished since college that I could shirk some of the responsibility of grown-up life and just be free. Now’s my chance. I’ve also always regretted not taking more advantage of the beautiful place I grew up in when I was in it. Now I can.

And ultimately, I can’t deny the healing balm the ocean is to me. My soul is not unlike the dry, cracked desert I live in right now. It needs water. Lots and lots of water.

One summer on an island it is then.

And so.

I plan to …

Not plan.

Work on the docks all day, everyday.

Ride my bike everywhere.

Eat plates and plates of seafood.

Take in as many sunrises and sunsets as possible.

Learn to run.

Explore.

Write.

Heal.

Oh hello summer. I’m coming.