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Looking for a Polygamist. Or a Pilgrim. Or a virgin. (Or in other words: My adventures in dating.)

I’ve decided to change my dating tactics. This look is called, “How to snag a polygamist. Or a pilgrim.” #eatyourheartoutMarthaWashington #onlythecoolkidsstillwearfrenchbraids

Dating is so far from my mind right now (Who has the time?). But I found these snippets (filed away in my book of special memories) from another one of Frit‘s and my forays in online dating. When will my membership eeeeeennnnnnddddd? And whyyyyyy did I sign up (again) in the first place? If you missed the last installment or need a moment of comedy today, click here. There are some doozies.

P.S. Nothing has been changed in these excerpts. All errors–be it grammatical, spelling, punctuation, or personality–belong to the owner.

1. The subject line for this little ditty was: “You are a little mysterious.” (Which is, like, totally what I was going for.)

You did not include very much info in your profile. This has created some bit of mystery about you that has got me curious about what makes you tick. You are either a genius to have figured out how to make guys curious about you or you are just smart enough not to put tons of personal info up for the world to see. I wish I would have thought to do that!
I would tell you all about me but I think I will take a page out of your book and just keep you guessing. Are you feeling the mystery? Are you dying to know more about what makes me tick? If so, and you know you are drop me some lines. I would love to hear from you as much as you now want to hear from me.

He gets me. I am, in fact, dying to know more.

‘Cept not.

2. “Greeting from [name withheld for the protection of this poor guy]”:

I was abandoned as a child on the side of a quiet road in the middle of nowhere, USA. Fortunately for me a kind and caringpack of wolves happened by and took me in. As far as I can remember it was a happy childhood of running and playing, hunting and sleeping. Until that fateful day when I happened upon an old mirror lying on the side of a dry riverbed and for the firsttime in my life I realized that I looked nothing like the rest of my pack.

I confronted them later that day and after hours of growling backand forth I was informed that I was indeed not a wolf but in fact was a “smsmall nosed, big headed, flat butted, rear paw walker!” I know that sounds like something adults should not say to a youth but that is the direct translation for the word “human” in wolf language.

I thought that was the worst of it until a few minutes later I wastold that not only was I a human but that I was also adopted. With this knowledge in hand I packed up my things and left the only home I had known and went out into the world of fellowsmall nosed, big headed, flat butted, rear paw walkers.

I have spent the years since that fateful day going from pack to pack only to find that humans and wolves are not that different from each other, if you look past the sharp teeth, hair, walking on all fours, I think you get the idea.

I will assume that you have realized long before now that this story is complete fiction but the lesson shared in it is not, we do act at times like wolves. We travel in packs or groups as a way of protecting ourselves from the scary things that the world can throw at us. Not realizing that in doing so we also miss theamazing beauty that the world has to offer us.

I broke from my pack as my fictional young self once did when I looked into that mirror and did not like the person that was looking back at me. I will walk this path alone if I have to but I still hold out hope that along the way I may come across another lone wolf who desires more from this wonderful life than they have to this point discovered..

Perhaps I should wear my little red hood on our first date?

3. A “flirt” (the sending/receiving of which makes me want to stick forks in my eyes) was received from a guy with the following profile intro:

one thing in life i have learned is its short so have fun and smile……….mmm OK girls quit putting your pics from when you when in jr high …show your true self and you will probibly get 2nd and third dates just dont start your first one with a lie lol

Noted.

4. And finally, well … I don’t even know what to say about this one. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Hi,
It would be nice to know you?

I think you are going to find I am one of the most generous people you have ever met in your life.

I am young in looking and in energy, heart, health and in everyway, except in years.

My departed companion of 35yrs and 6 children was a virgin when we married, and I am look for another virgin to marry for the next 35yrs. I want to marry only in the Temple for ever.

I love the Our Loving Heavenly Father with all my heart, might, mind, and strength.

Please. Someone. Make it stop. Anyone?

 

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8 Comments

  1. Loved that you shared these. Im dying laughing. You know that guy thought his writing about wolves was soooo good…but it wasnt! Oh dear, and the Virgin seeker, he’s a keeper.

  2. Fantastic blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any dioscusisn boards that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really like to be a part of group where I can get advice from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thanks a lot!

  3. DeNae,Your blogs bring me great joy. During my crazy child-filled days, I can reflect on my voyeuristic conversations with/from you and relish the opportunities I have had to partake of adult conversation that is filled with “big” vocabulary (anything with more than vcv-verb consonant-verb is big!), sarcasm, and thought provoking dialog! Thank you for reminding me there is more out there than Dr. Seuss and The Magic Tree House! You are my literary hero!

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