So if a year is really so long, how come it went by so fast?
It honestly seems impossible–impossible–that an entire year has passed since I lost my job.
On Tuesday I freaked out. I did. I know. And if I’m honest, I’m still a little (lotta) freaked out by the reality that is my life after one year.
I feel like I should be so much farther ahead. So much more stable. So much more successful. But the truth of the matter is that I’m still figuring all this out.
And I need to learn to be okay with that.
The time it takes to figure it out, that is.
I need to be patient with myself. (And with God–but I’m not ready to tell Him that yet.)
I was reading Eat. Pray. Love. whilst on vacation last month and I loved the part when she’s in Italy learning Italian and her tutor says, “You must be patient with yourself when you’re learning new things.”
I loved it because I know that’s true. But I’ve never been good at it. I get frustrated so easily with myself when I’m unable to “get it” the first time ’round.
Norm, a reader and friend, left a comment on Tuesday’s post that said: Please know that there are a couple of people in Gilbert, AZ who hope for the best for you and are amazed at all that you have accomplished this past year.
All that you have accomplished this past year.
When I’m being honest, I know that’s true too. But I’ve been busy swimming in my self-pity. And that’s okay. I’m not going to get upset with myself for wallowing. It’s how I truly felt. Lost and frustrated.
But Norm is right.
I just haven’t wanted to acknowledge what I have done, because I’ve felt like none of it matters since I’m not yet where I want to be.
And while there is still a part of me that wishes things were more certain, more successful, and more … “more,” I do know that I’ve come far.
I’ve accomplished much and have done good things this last year of 12 months, 8 national holidays, 4 seasons, 365 days and 8,760 hours.
I got this website up and running.
I successfully pitched myself to a TV station and became their fabric craft expert with a regular segment on television.
I was quoted in a crafting article here.
I opened a little shop online to sell some of the things I make with my own hands. I’ve received 100% positive feedback thus far and my shop was even been featured on a popular style and fashion blog.
I’ve created a catalog of helpful sewing tutorials.
I made a list of 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days and have crossed six things off.
Karl & Kaye Malone also hired me to sew a quilt for their daughter.
I produced a really fantastic concert.
And here I am one year later. Still alive. Still able to keep trying to make this crazy idea work. Still dreaming.
I’m still scared and still wobbly on my one-year-old legs. I’m still a little bit frustrated and a little bit unsure about what I’m doing. But I’m also a little bit brighter and a little bit more determined than I was on Tuesday to continue moving forward. I know I’ll not be perfect at being patient with the pace. But I’m trying.
And I’m actually looking forward to seeing where I am on Sept. 10, 2011.
(But, of course, I’m not getting ahead of myself.)