Krista Maurer

Moving Forward

Posted on June 27, 2010 by Krista

This weekend I …

I deleted all the cute text messages that I’d saved over the last six months.

I deleted the pictures from him on my phone.

I tucked all his emails away into a folder out of sight. (What can I say? I’m a saver and our emailing days were some of my favorite. I can’t part with those.)

I had lunch in the park with Frit, where I was allowed to say any irrational thing I thought or felt without any judgment or advice being given back. It was sunny. We ate cherries.

I consumed an entire bag of BBQ potato chips while watching 500 Days of Summer, as well as a Krispy Kreme doughnut and an Arby’s Jamocha shake later that night. (Thank you Frit for knowing exactly which comfort foods I always need and for bringing them to me exactly when I need them.)

I washed the sheets and remade the bed in the spare room.

I showered and put some make-up on.

I made a list of all the things I really liked about him so that I can make sure to look for them in the next “someone.”

I made a list of all the things that were absent between us so that I can make sure they exist in the next “something.”

I made a list of all the things I learned from him and this experience.

I outlined a plan for some things I need to improve on.

I prayed for help in my pursuit of set ups. (Speaking of, if you have someone in mind … email me.)

I prayed for him, that he’ll be happy and successful.

I took some deep breaths. Because sometimes I forget to breathe.

I’m mustering the courage to take some risks in the near future.

I’m stepping out.

And I’m moving forward.

Here we go!

p.s. moving forward is a lot easier and way more fun if you’re wearing a pair of yellow peep-toe wedge heels with ruffles.

Summer Music: My Playlist for Sunshine-y Days

Posted on June 25, 2010 by Krista

It’s sunny and warm here. My bedroom window is open and I can hear the neighbor kids playing in the yard next door. It makes me giggle. I ate tomatoes and avocado for lunch on the patio today. Just the kind of day I love the most.

It’s days like this that I love to hit play on one of my favorite iTunes playlists and crank the volume.

I call it Barefoot Is Best:

1. Summertime, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince

2. Cruel Summer, Ace of Base

3. Sunshine & Summertime, Faith Hill

4. Summertime, New Kids on the Block (don’t hate)

5. Summer Sun, Matt Wertz

6. Sunburn, Owl City

7. Happy as the Sun, Tyrone Wells

8. You Are the Sunshine of My Life, Stevie Wonder

9. Here Comes the Sun, The Beatles

10. I Was Made for Sunny Days, The Weepies

Hope you’re having a peaceful, happy, sunshine-y day. Enjoy the music!

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Alone Again

Posted on June 25, 2010 by Krista

The relief I felt yesterday when he pulled away was short lived. Actually, it comes and goes. We did the right thing and I know that. But reality set in too. I’m alone again. And with that realization, my thoughts bounce around like a pinball.

I miss him.

We haven’t talked in 24 hours.

This is the first day in six months that we haven’t talked.

The first day after 174 days of talking daily in some form or another.

It’s really hard to just turn off the notion that we’re “supposed” to talk today.

Especially when he was such an good and happy part of my life.

My daily life.

I don’t know what shift he’s working today.

I don’t know how the drive home was yesterday.

I don’t even know if he made it home.

I don’t know what he had for dinner.

I don’t know what he did with the rest of his day.

I don’t know how his mom’s garden is.

Those are all things I used to know.

And I know the “missing him” is partly him and who he is, but mostly it’s me just missing “someone.”

Having “someone” again was nice.

For so long I shut down all those feelings.

It’s just easier to not think about it.

And that’s what I’ve done for the last 5 years.

I haven’t dated.

At all.

I haven’t even been interested in anyone.

Not one person.

For five years.

But I also haven’t cried over anyone.

And I cried a lot yesterday.

I haven’t been confused about my feelings for anyone.

I haven’t been rejected.

I haven’t wondered where I stood.

I haven’t been left waiting by the phone.

But I also haven’t felt butterflies.

And I love the butterflies.

I haven’t been giddy over getting ready for someone.

And I love getting ready for a date.

I haven’t felt that “take-my-breath-away-heart-leap-instant-smile-on-my-face” feeling when his name appears on my phone.

I love that feeling.

Frit always joked that she knew when I was reading a text from him because of the way my face looked–all smiley and gooey.

I haven’t felt that total and complete “happy-calm” when you’re lying next to someone, all snuggled in with your head on his chest.

That is the best feeling in the world.

And now I have to start all over.

Because I let myself open up all those feelings that I put away.

And now that they’re out again, they want to stay out.

At least the happy, girly feelings do.

It’s like Pandora’s box.

Well kind of.

In theory it’s like Pandora’s box.

Anyway.

Ugh.

Starting over.

Seriously?

It’s worth it.

It has to be.

It better be.

I know it is.

Sheesh.

I know it is.

Why couldn’t it have just worked?

Me and him.

I hate this part of the process.

I really hate it.

The End

Posted on June 24, 2010 by Krista

I didn’t expect to feel the relief I felt when I shut the door behind him. I’ve known for a little while now that this wasn’t what I wanted. Wasn’t what I needed. And ultimately wasn’t for me. But I held on. Because letting go is scary. Because I thought–hoped–it could maybe, possibly become what it needed to be if we just gave it time. Because I liked him. I really did. Because it was so good in the beginning. Because it was “something” after a long while of nothing.

But something isn’t better than nothing–even though I’ve been trying to talk myself into believing that for a couple weeks now–especially when it’s not right.

He was here less than 24 hours this time. He was kind. He always is. And we laughed. And we had fun together. But in the end it just wasn’t what it needed to be. For either of us. And so he left this morning. After an hour of cuddling, a few tears, and a hug.

And that’s the end of this chapter in my life.

B: Thank you. Thank you for the time we had together. Thank you for your kindness. You’re a good man and I’ll always think of these six months with total contentment and no regret. Our late night phone calls were the highlight of my New Year. Meeting you was a blessing. Dating you was a gift. And I want you to know. It’s okay. I’m okay. xo, me

Family Photos: Bountiful, UT [The Howells]

Posted on June 23, 2010 by Krista

Because summer is my favorite season and because I especially love the light during these steamy months, I’ve decided to offer 20% off all photo sessions booked between now and July 3. That doesn’t mean you have to do your session before July 3rd, just that you need to schedule it before then.

So if you’ve been wanting to get some current family portraits, or have some really cute pictures taken of your really cute kids, or if you’ve got a wedding or other special event coming up this year, or maybe you just need an updated portrait of yourself, give me a jingle! Well, actually just email me here. And let’s get you on the books! I’m affordable, professional and fun (really I am!). And I’d love nothing more than to help you capture your memories, love and gorgeous mug.

And speaking of family portraits and really cute kids, the Howell family recently hired me to take their pictures. Here are a few of my faves:

Thank you Howells! I had a blast spending the afternoon with you. Good luck in Oregon!

Again, if you’re interested in saving 20% … email me here!

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Summer Memories: My One and Only Fling

Posted on June 22, 2010 by Krista

He was two years younger than me–a college student on a semester abroad, living on my Island, studying resort hospitality & management. It was the summer before my mission and never mind the fact that I couldn’t understand much of what he said due to his thick accent, he had me at “Hello, I’m from Paris.”

Mother didn’t approve–at all–due to the fast approaching missionary service I’d committed to, consistently late nights (really late), and the fact that he had no idea what a Mormon was let alone what our standards are, but I told him where I stood when it came to “that stuff” and while dating him probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done, it also wasn’t the dumbest and I feel no regret. I actually look back on it with a smile. It was a fun summer.

A really fun summer.

There wasn’t a whole lot of substance to the relationship and that didn’t bother me. It still doesn’t. That’s the point of summer flings. They’re built solely on heat, a foundation as sturdy as the sand on the beach. You know it’s going to end so depth doesn’t really matter.

He worked all day at the hotel and I worked all day on the docks. At night we would play. That meant movies, dinners, and the beach. And the “beach” meant making out in the sand-dunes. What can I say? He spoke French whilst he kissed me. What’s a girl to do? Kiss back. That’s what she’s supposed to do.

And I did. A lot.

I remember he made me lobster one night. We ate it sitting cross legged on a blanket on the floor while he tried to teach me French. He wore fitted 4-button suits with gorgeous silk ties. And thus began my love affair with the way European men dress. He tasted like mint. And he smelled delicious.

On our last night together we dressed up in our fanciest and went to a French restaurant. We ate duck and escargot dripping in butter sauce. I loved it. Loved it. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car, cupped my cheeks in his hands and kissed me long and hard on the lips. Then he kissed my forehead and told me to “find a boy who will take care of [me].”

And then he turned and walked away.

I wasn’t sad. I didn’t cry. I didn’t try to prolong the good-bye. It was just the end.

The end.

Of my one and only summer fling.

Summer: The FIRST Day!

Posted on June 21, 2010 by Krista

Do you know what today is?! Yes. It’s June 21. Which means it’s only one of my favorite days all year! The first day of summer!

Summer … the season of BBQs and picnics, swimming pools and fishing holes, parades, taffy, and fireworks, lazy days spent lounging in hammocks and cool, breezy nights sitting around a fire pit (mallows in hand of course).

To celebrate I threw on my bathing suit and sun hat and ate lunch on the patio this afternoon, my freckled shoulders soaking up the sun as I gobbled down a tomato sandwich.

Cheers to you Summer. I’ve been waiting.

Tell me: What’s your favorite thing about summer?!

Oh and to help you get in the mood, I’ll be posting the best summertime songs every day this week. First up? My #1 favorite summer track. Check it …

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The Day I Turned the Camera Around

Posted on June 18, 2010 by Krista

Because I think it’s important to look ourselves in the eye and make sure we’re being who we want to be.

Because I’m learning so much about myself these days.

Because I liked the way I looked today.

Because I wanted to try some new settings on my camera.

Because I’ve taken up the practice of photographing myself every few months to see how I change.

Because the light in my room was dreamy.

Because sometimes I pretend I’m famous and well … photoshoots are a necessary and essential part of one’s life of course. And you never know when you’ll need a photo for an album cover right? (I also practice answering interview questions and sing into a hairbrush in front of the mirror. You know, in case I’m ever on Oprah. But let’s just keep that between you and me.)

Because it’s Friday and I don’t want to work anymore and Frit’s not home yet so I’m trying to find something to do to occupy myself, other than eat all the candy in the candy dish.

Happy Weekending!

(Take some pictures of yourself. It’s pretty fun!)

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Becoming Friends with a Fairy

Posted on June 15, 2010 by Krista

If there was a skill or trait I could innately possess it would be the ability to wake early with alertness. But as it stands, I am not a morning person. My general routine consists of: alarm, unconsciously hit snooze, 2nd alarm, semi-consciously hit snooze, 3rd alarm, slightly coherently turn alarm off while remaining horizontal, find consciousness, daydream, imagine, write stories in my head, daydream some more, sit up with eyes still closed, one eye opens, other eye stays shut for at least 10 minutes, two eyes open, feet on floor, stretch my achin’ bones, and finally … up.

On the off chance, however, that I have to get up for an appointment, or if my insomnia kicks in and I happen to randomly wake at 4 a.m., I always find myself happy to be awake when dawn breaks. It’s a glorious time of day. It’s as though Earth yawns, and if you’re lucky enough to witness it, you get to bathe in its golden breath. Yes, I envy morning people.

Today was one of those days where I happened to rise with the sun. I made my way gingerly down the stairs and to the kitchen sink, quietly poured a glass of water and opened the windows. And what I saw–was Morning. Dancing in my garden, teasing the delphinium, bathing the salvia, kissing the oregano.

I should like to be friends with her, that Morning. She is quite the light-winged fairy.

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p.s. just a reminder: the offer/request to set me up still stands. Thank you to those who have already begun introducing me to your single male friends. You’re wonderful people. xo

Initiative 2010, I Need Your Help

Posted on June 13, 2010 by Krista

Every New Year, my friend Emily chooses a theme to live by for the next 365 days, i.e. 2005: Husbands Arrive (she and her roommates wound up getting married that year “oddly” enough) or 2007: Closer to Heaven (wherein she worked on some spiritual goals throughout the year). Well, when I heard about her tactic, in the back of my mind I came up with my own theme for 2010. I didn’t write it down, or think about it too seriously, but it crosses my mind every now and again. What was it, you ask? I’ll tell you …

2010: Date More Men

And I can happily say I’ve already accomplished the goal. I’ve dated more men in 2010 than I did in 2009.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

And see, here’s the thing about Exhibit B … I thoroughly enjoyed dating him. I’d forgotten how much fun it can be. And even though it ended, it made me want to try again. So back to the catalog I go.

But herein lies the problem: I don’t have a catalog. I work from home, I go to a family ward*, my eHarmony membership ran out and I don’t want to hop online again just yet if I don’t have to, and there really aren’t a lot of ways to meet single LDS guys (unless you want to go to those wretched regional activities/conferences–which I don’t).

So.

I’m swallowing my pride (and my fears) and I’m asking for help. From you. Yes, I’m asking my readers to set me up. I really think this could be fun! So if you’d like to give the role of matchmaker a try, here are the rules and guidelines for Krista’s Initiative 2010: Date More Men …

1. He needs to be an active, dedicated, and faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

2. He needs to be 5’11″ or taller (the taller the better).

3. He can be as young as 25/26-ish or as old as 40, although there is room to fudge on this rule if you have someone you think is just really fantastic but doesn’t fall exactly in that age-range.

4. You may certainly post this solicitation for dates on your blogs or Facebook pages. You may talk to friends, sisters, husbands, mothers, brothers, etc. about it. In fact, I would encourage and ask you to. The way I see it is that it’s all about networking. So if you don’t know any single guys, maybe someone you know does.

5. Don’t think too hard about whether or not it’s an “eternal match made in heaven.” Let us figure that out. If he’s kind, honest, and hard-working (whatever the profession or level of school), then I want to go out with him. Really, I do. I don’t have a “type” that I’m looking for per say, so toss ‘em my way.

6. Having said that, if there is an obvious reason he is single (poor hygiene, can’t hold down a job, loves his cat more than anything in the world, can’t do anything without his mother’s approval), please be kind and skip this opportunity to play matchmaker.

7. Please don’t give him the link to my blog so that he can “check me out.” Ever. I’m serious. There’s too much of my soul here. In the event that he’d like to see what I look like before committing to calling, I have included a recent picture at the end of this post for you to download and distribute as you see fit.

8. You may not portray me as any sort or variety of desperate when approaching your single male friend about me. I’m far far from it. I am also not marriage hungry. The only point of this is to date (a lot hopefully), have fun, and meet new people. Period.

9. If you’re the praying type, pray about it. I know that might sound funny or weird, but I believe God answers prayers. I also believe He uses us to bless each other’s lives. So put those two truths together and what do you get? A God who will help you if you decide you’d like to help me.

So here’s how it works. If you, or someone you know, has a guy in mind, email me and tell me about him. Talk to him too. See what he thinks. Here are a few tidbits about me:

Krista, age 31, 5’7″, originally from South Carolina, graduated with a degree in journalism, served an LDS mission, started professional career working in PR and marketing for a record label, now works independently as a writer, photographer, & marketing consultant. Sings. Draws/Paints. Owns a boutique. Loves planning parties, fresh seafood, and the sunshine. And here’s a recent picture:

(Taken Sunday, June 13)

What do you think? Is this a good idea? Or a bad idea? Either way, I really hope you’ll help me.

krista

*LDS congregations are grouped by geographic locations and are called “wards.” In most areas you can find a “singles ward” where you can go to Church with other young single Latter-day Saints. You don’t have to go to a singles ward if you don’t want to. It’s just an option. The other option is what’s referred to as a “family ward” where the congregation is made up of all ages and family status–kids, parents, singles, widows, seniors, etc.

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