[You and your Mary, right after a kiss]

It’s sunny today. I reminds me of that morning when we first met–you and Alison walking on the sidewalk by the dorms. And it reminds me of you. If I had to pick a color that said, “Catie,” it would be  yellow.

I’m still in my pajamas, my hair in a big knotted ball on top of my head. It reminds me of those Friday nights junior year that we’d go to the dollar theater wearing our pajama bottoms and BYU sweatshirts for the midnight movie.

[Me, Alison, You, Mandy, Emily]

Beside me sits my scrapbook from freshman year. I’ve been thumbing through it all morning. Remember the Halloween dance we went to? I went as a mom with curlers, bathrobe, and green mask on my face. Yeah the fellas were all over me, let me tell you. And you went as my baby? You had pigtails, wore an adult onesie, sucked on a pacifier and everything.

[You, Alison, Me, Kassie, Camille]

Oh and remember white trash registration night? :) Why did we do that again? And lyrcra leg fights? Mandy and Em were the champs. And then there was that time we had a Chinese party in my room. Our little group ate $80 worth of Chinese food. And afterwards we lined up the mattresses and did tumbling passes. We definitely came up with the weirdest things to do to pass the time when we were 18. It was so fun though. :) Oh! And our Christmas picture for our families:

[Top to bottom, left to right: Em, Lizzie, Me, Mand, You, Kassie, Camille, Alison]

That was also the Christmas we all put out “barf bags” just outside our dorm room doors. Remember? So we could leave each other love notes and goodies? I still have my note from you. It says: Krista, Hi! You are way too cute and always make me smile! Good luck on all your finals. You’ll do GREAT!! I’m taking you up on that visit to Hilton Head!! [heart], Catie.

Catie, did you know that you always make me smile? Even through the tears and mascara that have stained my face this morning. I’m still smiling … because I’m thinking of you. Thinking of how you were my first friend at college. Thinking of Tuesday devotionals and Tunnel Singing. Thinking of our long talks and walks to campus. Thinking of all the letters we wrote on our missions and phone calls exchanged while you were dating Steve. Thinking of your perpetual smile and beautiful face. Thinking of the freshman girl reunion we organized at your house in California. Thinking of how grateful I am that we got to visit one last time last summer. Thinking of the way our friendship, and your life, has changed me.

[Katie, Me, You (and your Mary), Em, Mand (and her Maddie). I love that we're holding hands.]

I can’t help but think about how all of us girls were “randomly” assigned to Deseret Towers T-hall 2nd floor. And how it wasn’t really random. How we’ve all been through finals and first apartments and pans of brownies and learning Em’s dance routines in the living room and misunderstandings and boys and missions and men and marriages and babies and careers together, and now this. How could we have known at 18 what life would bring twelve years later? Would we have done anything differently? I think I would’ve tried harder to get everyone together more often. I think I would’ve said, “I love you” more.

[Our last ward prayer before Sophomore year]

I’m pretty sure you know how much we all love you. Actually, I’m certain you do. And I hope you know how much we miss you. Already. Mandy called this morning to tell me. And we cried. Sobbed together really. I could hear her little George through the phone say, “Mommy I don’t want you to cry anymore.” And we laughed, but we couldn’t stop. Neither of us said much. We just cried.

[Just one more of you and your Mary.]

Catie, I don’t really know what to say. I just want you to know. To know that those of us who knew you before the cancer, will never forget the vibrant, bright, life-filled woman you were and now get to be again. And we’ll make sure your babies know who you were. We’ll make sure they know how funny you were. We’ll make sure they know how good and kind you were to everyone. We’ll make sure they know what a great missionary you were and how much you loved Steve. And we’ll make sure they knew the little things too, like how you’d pull your eye-brows out when you were studying hard, how much you loved your momma’s red-eye gravy, and how you’d talk incessantly during movies. We’ll make sure they know that you played a mean fiddle, that you were full of life and laughter. And we’ll make sure they know how much you loved them. We’ll wrap ‘em up as if they were our own and make sure. Promise.

Oh and Catie? I love you.

… I’ll be seeing you.

[You and me]