Before I get on with the “real” post, here are two quick housekeeping items:
1. Thank you for ALL the gift cards and clothing for the Hardman Family. I’m waiting for two more cards (that are in the mail) and once I have those, I’ll be sending everything to the Hardman’s. You can read an article about how they and their neighbors are doing here.
2. Yesterday, I showed Cooper my post about his crush. He beamed the entire time he was reading it as though he had “arrived” now that his face was on the internet. And when he got to the end and read the last sentence, he looked at me almost shocked that I hadn’t realized that HE could make me a flower, and with the sweetest enthusiasm said: “I could make you one!” And he did. Colored in my favorite colors. Bless him. If only he were 20 years older.
And now for the “real” post…
As most of you know I lost my job last Thursday. Well, the very next day I went to an all-day event with my friend Mindy and then on Saturday, I helped at a booth at a Healthy Living Expo. Sunday was of course busy busy with Church as well as a photo shoot with my youngest sister. So yesterday was the first real day without a job and I was determined to enjoy it.
I got up, ate breakfast, and went to the gym. Then I got ready for the day and stopped by a neighbor’s house to go over some things for my new job at Church. Then I came home and made a list of grocery items and errands I needed to run. I finished all of that by 1:30. So I came home and cleaned my bathroom.
At this point I began to feel lost. There were certainly still things I could do, but instead I just sat on my couch staring at the wall while a thunderstorm turned the sky dark and pelted my house with a monsoon. Luckily Frit came home a couple hours later and we canned peaches for Family Night.
She keeps asking me how I’m feeling but I never know how to answer her. Even as I write this I don’t know. Because I really am so extremely happy to not be working there anymore. I’m still totally thrilled that my life is wide open to endless possibilities. But right now, I just feel lost.
That job, even though it was hell on earth this last year, was my “thing.” It was where I went every day. It was what I did every day. It employed the people I talked to every day. It was the green box that took up the majority of every day in my perfectly color-coded planner. When someone asked, “What do you do?” it was my answer. And I’ll admit, I felt proud of the title and the position, perhaps to a fault.
But now I don’t know where to go or what to do. My planner has no colors. If someone asks, “What do you do?” (and someone did on Friday), I don’t have an answer. And all of that is a very weird feeling.
But the thought came to me this morning, I think as an answer to prayer: Your job did not define you. Whoa. Say what? Come again? Your job did not define you. And when I stopped to really think about that, it’s true. But it’s also totally and completely shocking. Because if my job didn’t define me, then the question becomes: what does?
And that my friends, is the question of the day.