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One for You, Two for Me

Last night the conversation went a little something like this:

Me: You know — I think that if Heavenly Father is going to leave us single for longer than we expected or wanted or planned, then He owes us extra blessings.

Frit: [chuckle] Oh yeah? How so?

Me: Well I mean really, if He’s going to keep us single like this, which is fine, there has to be a reason and a purpose. And for sure we’re blessed. Most definitely we are blessed. But I think He kind of owes it to us to give us an added measure of help and love and direction. Extra confirmation, you know, that we’re in the right spot. I think we deserve that. I think that’s fair.

Frit: [smiling] Have you told Him this yet?

Me: [still very serious] No you’re the first person I’ve shared my theory with. I mean technically I guess He can hear me right now as I’m telling you, but I haven’t actually discussed this with Him personally. Yet. But I’m going to.

***

I haven’t actually discussed it with Him. Yet. I’m still mulling over the theory in my head before I present it to Him.

He knows I need some extra blessings right now. He knows I need some extra direction and extra help and extra confirmation. He knows I’m not where I want to be and that I’m not fulfilled in the ways I want to be fulfilled. He knows I want some things to be different. He knows I have dreams of my own and something inside me that says, “I was meant to do more.” And oddly enough, I’m not even talking about finding my Love or even being a mother right now.

And really, He doesn’t owe me. I know that.

I owe Him. Oh, how I owe him. And yet …

He’s waiting to give me more.

Waiting to give me what I need (and so much of what I want).

Because that’s who He is.

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5 Comments

  1. I am 100% convinced, and I mean totally testifying that we must discuss our theories with Heavenly Father. It is the only way to get at the truth.

    Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language…. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.

    Maria Rilke

    Me: God just wouldn’t ask me to do that.
    My friend: God will ask you to do whatever he wants!

    We try, and maybe we figure out our why’s and it all makes sense, and we are at peace with our knowledge. But more-than-likely we just keep believing and trusting, and we just get “I love you” and a miracle is born with the growth of our intellectually irreconcilable faith.

  2. You’ll get your answers. Let me re-phrase. You’ll get the comfort you need to keep going. The answers will come. They always do.

    Because that’s who He is.

  3. Man, I always end up with tears in my eyes when I read your blog . . . it’s a good thing, it means my spiritual side is being stirred. I do think he gives us extra blessings when others are temporarily denied. (P.S., So good to have two hands with which to comment this time!)

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